The chef moved in with me on Saturday night and he said he was sure this was what he wanted, well well well how quick things change, he went to see the kids today which I woke him up for at 6 am, I never heard off him till 10:30 pm, to say the kids are sad and the normal shit, well I can’t take it anymore.  Yes Yessica will admit it my heart is broken I let him in fully this weekend, he gave me hope and took it away.

He said the kids are sad and they are more important than his happiness, and can he call me tomorrow, because he was staying with his family tonight.  He told me on Saturday and Sunday that he would not return to his house to sleep.  I just said bye on the phone.  Then sent him a message saying because I love you, I am leaving you, and you stay with your family.  I will see you some time this week to give him his uniforms and get my keys.  The hardest message I have ever written, but one that I needed to do.

Thank god he is on holiday because my mum and I are staying in the hotel, it was meant to be for two week but we will change the reservation to one week, the day we leave the hotel he returns from his vacation.  No words can express my heart ache at this time, but this is the start of a new chapter.  The morale of this story STAY AWAY FROM MARRIED MEN!!!!

I will write another post really soon about my family, birthday, and life in Cancun this week. Better go and pack.

I went to a birthday party of a close friend, it was her niece’s 15th, well it was a small affair they don’t have a lot of money. In saying that I have never been to a party where the only drink on offer is BIG COKE, no diet option, no fanta, or other flavors.  The food was bad, over cooked meat.  On the plus side  she looked amazing in her dress, the church service before the party, was good, it was like your parents are saying you are no longer a little girl in their eyes or gods eyes.  

They had a two tier birthday cake which looked like a wedding cake.  The bit that caught the back of my throat is, when she danced with her dad.  It was beautiful and moving all at the same time,  my dad would never do that.  :(  To me this type party buts a lot of pressure on people who don’t have the money to give their daughters there perfect party.  It was another new experience, the Chef came for the last hour, where he just wanted to sit down,  I was like NO, I need to introduce you to the family, is he shy or is he rude.  It was only family at this party no friends, I was the only one because they do consider me part of the family and sometimes it is nice to know that I have that type of support here, and that environment because as we all know I miss my family and my nephews so much, they have a young kid, and two teenage daughters.  

Well My friend said this chef is not good for me, she said he didn’t seem that into me.  How many times will I hear this.  Well part of me sense the same since he turned up drunk, on Wednesday, and all he said about it was forgive me I was drunk.  Well he came on Sunday night and was in a mood the moment he knocked on the door.  He didn’t hug me back I think it was because, I had my friend’s girls here sleeping in my guest room.  Then he said I am tired and I want to go so I can take my son to school, he has never taken his son to school because it was his day off.  Then I said you can go to bed early tomorrow night, how can I when I have a football game, I said can I come, he said no I think I want my son to go.   Well hello the game starts at 1am, and the boy has school at 7 or 8am…. he then said I will call you and let you know.  I said no, just say NO now. 

He then tried to kiss me to get a feel that everything was OK, well its not.

Well now comes the important bit, I need to plan a birthday party for when all my family arrive.  Was thinking of a pool party, but I have the fear that it may rain, ruin my party.  The other thing is I don’t want to spend a lot of money.  The final thing I want it to be lots of fun for my Nephew, then of course I want my friends and family to enjoy it.  Well when you have a party here you have to feed them.  In general they eat a lot.  Then it comes down to fact do you really enjoy your own party, when you worry about everyone having a good time.

ARRGGGHHHH!!!!!! Any ideas for a place in Cancun to have a party?  Any suggestion on party food, and suggestions on entertainment the ages 4 to 70 want something for most people.  Any suggestions on waiters etc.  DO I have to give people a gift for coming to my party or is that just kids.  My friends vary from rich to not so rich.  Want them all to feel comfortable.  

HELP PLEASE!!!!!

I was having serious reservation already about him anyway, well last he rings me to tell me he will arrive in 20 minutes.  There is me waiting like the fool I am, I am not a fool anymore.  Went to bed at two after searching the net more on this later.  Well I finally fell asleep thinking that this is no life I want more, I am not waiting for any crumbs that he decides to throw my way.  Well anyway my doorbell goes at 4:30am he is really really drunk, he know I hate drunks more than anything else in this world.  I don’t want them in my home at 4:30 in the morning.  He wants to argue, I just walk into my room and wait for him to leave.  I hear my door go and so I get up too lock it behind him. 

No he is still in my living room with no shoes and socks still wanting to argue, and the classic his trousers are open don’t ask me what for because there is no way in hell he was going to be able to get it up.  I was angry and upset having to look at this drunk, in my home.  He said why was I being so cold so I said it was the 6 month mark of my grans death his response “AND”  this was the moment I felt there was no future, he then continues why did you say that for, I said I miss her she was my mum without the title.

I don’t think I can forget the way he said “AND”.  

My gran died 6 months ago today, and I don’t think there is a day that goes by that I don’t think of her.  There isn’t a week that goes by that I don’t shed a tear for her.  I know that she would not want to see me like this, my brother said he lost his best friend, my mum lost her right arm, my nephew constantly says he wants to go to heaven to be with his great gran, and when we explain that when you go to heaven you will not be able to speak to mummy and daddy, his response is but when they come to heaven they can talk to me then.  There is no words to describe the relationship that those two had, and I lost my compass in life.  I know she would want to give me a good shake about the decisions I am making.

So why the hell do I continue? …. Self destruct mode …. Yes I am referring to the married Chef that is still in my life, maybe I picked someone who I could never have because, I saw the pain that a lot of the women in my family went through with their men, with drink, cheating, violence, abuse, do I really need to go on.  I know my gran suffered a lot when she was here with her husband.  When he cheated on her with her sister, this broke her heart, and I know she didn’t want me to continue to see someone where I was the other women. She suffered in many other ways too, but save that for another happy moment LOL.

I love you gran, and I know you are in a better place. We will never forget you. Sending you lots of hugs and kisses.

Wow I was waiting for this series to start here in Cancun on BBC entertainment.  Yes that is series one, I know in Britain you have the 2nd series, well they put it on a Friday night, well hello I am not in on a Friday so after waiting like two months for it to start I kept missing it, then it hit me why not, see if good old iTunes have it and they did and it  wasn’t very expensive, so I spent the whole day watching it now waiting for the 3rd series.  Really love, good to see a TV program, where the women are the ones playing the field and taking control.

Makes you wonder what really happens behind closes doors because, as I am writing this the doctor is sending me texts in order to have his wicked way with me, while his wife is looking after the baby and thinks he is working hard (I have met her and I don’t think she is any angel either).  I would love people to be honest and let me know if they have every cheated when in a serious relationship?

Please leave your comments.

I live alone here in Cancun, I walk about the streets alone with friends male and female.  I don’t look over my shoulder, I don’t even think of what could happen (because you wouldn’t leave the house worrying about what is about to happen, what could happen)  I have the same mantra when living in Britain.  At the moment every other blogger, twitter, or facebook user who is foreign who has a tiny bit of knowledge of this beautiful place is writing about the violence the crime, the corruption, the drug traffickers, the mafia, and the list goes on.

Well hello no place is perfect, and if I am honest I feel safer here than I do in Britain.  Of course I am not completely stupid and naive to think that it is a bed of roses here.  I consider myself blessed to live in such a beautiful place, which does have it challenges.

Just to give you a insight my brother is a huge footie fan, and a few weeks ago him and his mate went out the night before the match, and they both were badly assaulted by one person with a baseball bat.  They love footie so much they went to the game the following day in a lot of pain, but then after the match they went to the hospital.  Where his friend was admitted for reconstructive facial surgery, where plates where fitted to his jaw.  My brother has stitches to his head took him a week to feel semi normal.

To get to the point I am happy here, my family and friends are all coming out in May to celebrate my birthday, would I have them here if I felt for a second they were in danger hello the answer is no.  I would never endanger anyone I love.   If I felt it was unsafe I would get on a plane and go back home.  I feel super safe, now this is a double edged sword what I am about to say, because I don’t know when it happend but I have become immune to seeing trucks are armed soliders, police, federal police, zooming past my home.  Now in many ways this is reassuring that they have such a strong presence here in downtown Cancun.  OH I also live very close to the police station LOL.  So I accept there are bad things that happen in this world, but there are many wonderful and more inspiring things to think about.  I love the sunset when driving into downtown, how clear the sky is and how beautiful the stars and moon look here.  

I am blessed with birds that arrive at my window to sing to me, nearly every morning.  I like the way you walk round the supermarket and people in general smile at you, rather than avoid eye contact with.  I like when you meet your friends, you give them a hug, this is a wonderful feeling.  I like the fact that places are open till late.  I enjoy going to beach which is a short drive from my home.  It is great to go to a friends house at the wrong time (i.e. dinnertime), and they will offer you dinner, on the spur of the moment rather than look at you, as if to say when are you leaving, so we can get our dinner.  (Now this could just be an English trait).  I could go on, but you get the point :).

For tourists Cancun is super safe as many other bloggers have stated, one of my favourite bloggers is Rivergirl www.hiddencancun/rivergirl  So enjoy the sunshine the friendly people and relax, or go site seeing.  Just as 9 members of my family will be doing in May.

I was sent this by one of the sweetest people I know, apart from me of course, (yes I am joking).  Made me smile so I hope it makes you smile too.

THE END

Wow what a title and in short sums up my life in the past month and half.  Pondering which one to start with. I think I will get work over and done with, it is so moving in the right direction, so I am really happy  The other topics are interlinked, so lets just start with what I remember

Had a house guest, well actually that is a little too polite tea leaf is another word I would use.  Oh and I had to pay for her meals etc so that really really annoyed me.  It was one week that I will never get back, but on the plus side she made me go to the beach twice.  Now I have a favourite beach, Pt. Morelos, wouldn’t want to live there, but nice to relax and get out of Cancun.  I have been having a good think, I know believe there are more frienemies here  in Cancun than friends, this fact saddens me immersely.  :)

Thank god for my real friends in Cancun whom I can now count on one hand,  everyone else seems to have alternative motive to want to know me.  Too bloody trusting, or some would say a f**king foul, or as my gran would say they are taking the p**s out of me.

That just leaves sex which is a long story, but yes Chef is still in my life, and trust me I think we have had more downs than ups in the past month,  well he is being really nice to me today via text message, really unusual.  A little background I told him how much I enjoy Pt. Morelos, he response why it is just houses, so I explained how to get to the beach, and how good it would be to go there with the kids; his first message:

When can we go to Pt. Morelos together?  My response was only you know when, and left it at then, not playing that game, so he has lived here 11 years and never been to the beach there.

His next one;I just saw the moon and it is beautiful like you.  So I went to see the moon to see if there was even a moon, it was a full moon and really bright.

I responded and said thanks his response; The stars are sparkling like your eyes. I love you.  He knows I like the moon, stars, sunset and clouds, but because we have had some many ups and downs, I am thinking what has changed.  He even forgot to delete one of the messages he sent me on his his phone so his wife saw, this then meant that he had to give me his wife’s number, so I know not to answer it.  Then he tells me his wife found one of my hairs in his sock.  She said what is this? he said a hair, then she said who’s it?  He said I don’t know, her next question how did it get in your sock? His answer, I don’t know it must of been carried in the wind.  So now she knows there is someone else.

As stated there have been more downs, so I am a little colder towards him at the moment because he is cruel with his tongue, but no doubt I will fill you in, on another post.  So now he is super nice talk about being hot and cold.